Through the years, I’ve met many people (teachers, students, seekers of all kinds) who experience non-dual awareness yet still buy into separation in one form or another. This separation often shows up in relationships. It shows up when we repeatedly find ourselves in old ego patterns in relationship (e.g., control, resentment, victimization, conflict, fear of abandonment, defend/attack energy, jealousy, obsession, etc).

All of these issues stem from a sense of separation in which it appears that an “other” is in control of your contentment. Certainly, non-duality is not a self-improvement plan. However, the root of suffering in relationships is the belief in separation. Therefore, the seeing through of that belief, in whatever way it appears for you, releases these deeply rooted patterns. This naturally harmonizes relationships ….

What the Boomerang Inquiry Is

The Boomerang Inquiry is a set of questions that I take you through. I first ask you to get a real sense of the separation between you and an other in relationship. The “other” can be a person, place, or other thing. It can be the government, a loved one, a disease, an object of obsession. It can be any object whatsoever.

I then ask you to find the other through looking at individual arisings of thought, emotion, and sensation. In not finding the other, the other appears “empty” or lacking a separate nature. The other is seen to be thought, emotion, and sensation arising inseparably within awareness.

I also ask you to look at the particular self that gets created (and reflected back) in this relationship with the other. For example, if the other is a victimizer, the self is a victim. Once the self that is created in this relationship is identified, I invite you to find that self by looking at individual arisings of thought, emotion, and sensation. In not finding the self, the sense of separation between self and other falls away, leaving a recognition of inseparability, love, awareness, Oneness, or nonduality (whatever you like to call it).

We believe we see others the way they really are. We fail to see the filter of thought and emotion through which we view others. Seeing this filter for what it is helps tremendously in seeing through the sense of separation in our relationships.

This is why the Boomerang Inquiry has been so powerful in one-on-one sessions with people. The inquiry is content-specific. In other words, it’s not a dry, one-size fits all teaching that has no relevance to your relationships. Its strength lies in the fact that it’s directed precisely towards the relationships in your own life.

It starts out with the assumption that there are two separate things — you and an other (i.e., person, place, thing). It asks you to picture and characterize the “other” in your life. And through picturing that other, the inquiry invites you to see who you think you are in relationship to the other. And then the inquiry cuts through the belief in objectivity (the idea that you see the other objectively). It cuts through the notion of separation itself, the belief that you are looking at a separate object.

Once you see how the inquiry works, you can do it on your own or with others. If you are interested in doing this Boomerang Inquiry, email me at I also highly recommend you read the Living Realization text at before meeting with me. That text helps tremendously in giving you context for the Boomerang Inquiry. You can also join the Living Realization online meetings, coming soon, to enjoy the inquiry in a small group setting.

~ by Scott Kiloby

~ You can see and hear Scott via YouTube HERE

The Boomerang Inquiry

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