A friend shared his confusion over knowing when his intuitions are true, and when the ego is imitating his intuition. He summed up by saying: “Anyway, maybe it doesn’t matter at any given point what you do, but it feels like it does, and not just for sensitives but for everyone who struggles with a decision. It seems to take a very long time and lots of experience to see past that – or else a naturally easygoing personality.”
Here is my response:
I just read through your message again. I would suggest that the truth not only has many levels, but that they are all operating at the same time. So when you have an intuition and follow it, there may be a degree of Essence working through you to create a certain experience in line with a deeper wisdom and your particular life purpose.
At the same time, your ego will either resist that intuition and try to block you, or decide it likes it and maybe even take credit for it! To a degree the ego can then interfere or even mix things up by trying to make something happen the ego thinks should happen in accordance with your intuition.
At the same time, there may be an even bigger truth that is felt: that it does not really matter very much what you do or where you end up. It obviously matters on a relative level, but the even bigger truth is that the empty spacious awareness that is experiencing all of this can not be harmed. Wherever you end up and whatever happens, the empty space of Being will be just as empty and just as aware.
And yet realizing this bigger truth can also then affect the unfolding of the smaller truths of intuition and egoic agendas. For example, knowing that you cannot be harmed can sometimes allow you to go ahead and follow your intuition, or even to indulge a particularly irresistible ego desire. It is like gambling with someone else’s money; what do you have to lose?
It appears that the truth is not something we can grasp or define or get a hold of. It might be more accurate to say the truth has got a hold of us and is playing us like a maestro plays the orchestra. A little more brass here, a little less ego there. The mind tries to get some kind of meaning or explanation for all of this. The Heart knows that love never gets meaning from life, it always gives meaning to life. And like any truly creative process, the results are always a wonderful surprise, even to the creator!
The inquiry into the truth is not meant as means to finally get it or to get somewhere. It is more a means to a never-ending creative expression of ever bigger mysteries. This is not a prescription for how to live your life, it is really a description of what has always been happening. And what an amazing journey it has always been.
~ by Nirmala, from his blog