Courage as a Key to a Happier Life
We all begin our life vulnerable and insecure. As such, fear is our engine of survival and security becomes our main goal. The fear is evolutionarily designed for survival and will shape our mind for years to come. How? By affecting the lens through which we observe and interpret life events.
The bias in the lens is towards magnifying pain, risk and danger. The bad news is that this bias will shape the story of self that we identify with — our Ego.
To protect itself the fearful Ego will develop the following guards against any perceived threats: Avoid, Freeze, Attack and Run away. Together they create acronym that tells the impact they leave on us: They keep us AFAR from our core being, from our authentic nature and from each other.
These guards that were initially survival mechanisms may unfortunately become second nature to us. When this happens our attention goes to the guards at the expense of living fully at the present moment. We pay these guards a heavy price for their job.
Let’s look at their impact: Avoid exploring new experiences, fearing the unknown. Avoid acting on one’s dreams, fearing failure. Indecision (Freeze), in response to fear of missing out. Attack others — control, judge, blame — in response to fear of being vulnerable. Run away in response to attacks. As one can see the guards will ultimately prevent the authentic expression of who we really are.
Should we try to change the fears? Fears of pain, rejection, failure, abandonment, exposure and death are deeply rooted in the unconscious habitual mind. They are very hard to change. What is easier to change is the response to them.
Most people actually do choose to change their guards, but they often do so unconsciously in response to … a greater fear! For example, fear of disease may force you to overcome fear of injection; fear for the safety of her children may drive a battered woman to take action against her violent man; fear of separation may force a man to come to counseling and face the exposure he would otherwise dread and so on.
The reason for this unfortunate state is that most people operate from their conditioned mind — Ego — that feeds on the survival mechanism of fear of pain.
You can tell how much fear rules your life by how often you say ‘no’ to possibilities, avoid interactions or conflicts with others, present a false self and so on. This is how ego separates you from core being and from others. In the fortress it feels secure but isolated, inauthentic and lifeless.
We all use guards from time to time. We differ in how flexibly we do so. Flexibility grows as we learn to increasingly be aware and disidentify with them.
Self awareness allows us the freedom to choose CONSCIOUSLY. We don’t choose fears. They arise spontaneously from deepest parts of the brain. Yet, we can choose how to handle them. The way is to become aware of them and then respond with COURAGE.
Courage has been highly admired through the history in all cultures. Aristotle said 2500 years ago that “courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees the others”. In the same era, the Buddha said: “One who conquers himself is greater than another who conquers a thousand men on the battlefield.”
Rumi, the Persian poet, said: “The lion who breaks the enemy’s ranks is a minor hero compared to the lion who overcomes himself.” Emerson said: “Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.” Josef Campbell said “The hallmark of the advanced soul is a healthy relationship to fear”, He also said “The warrior’s approach is to say yes to life: ‘yea’ to it all.” My favorite one is “Feed your courage and your fears will starve to death.”
So cultivating the virtue of courage is the answer to our debilitating fears. Modern research in “positive Psychology” provides us with enough evidence and tools to support the idea that cultivating virtues is a gateway to a happier and meaningful life.
So just as your guards are at the service of your fears your courage is at the service of your potentialities. Courage will set you free from behind the walls to explore and discover the unknown, to express authentic sides rather than suppress them, to let go of beliefs, wishes and relationships that keep you less than what you can become.
Courage is what it takes to love. It will keep you open, vulnerable and connected in relationship in spite of the many wounds and fears. So, courage will ultimately get you to love and to fulfill the greatness inherent within you.
~ by Hagai Avisar
